Ideating a Blog

I have a new favorite word!  Ideate: form a mental image of something that is not present or that is not the case according the Vocabulary.com (See definition)  Basically, ideate is creating with the mind.  When I think about all the things that were originally ideated; well, most things.  Some things are created by accident.  I love when that happens, too.  But for the moment I want to get my head around “ideate.”  I have been ideating for a whole life time and didn’t even know it. 

Wish Goddess Doll

For a few weeks I have been ideating this new blog.  For several years I have been struggling spiritually.  My background as a minister and chaplain did not prepare me for this.  I have not been active in formal ministry for several years.  The church I call home is in the process of breaking apart and its future is unknown.  If I wasn’t already in a spiritual quandary, the religious words of comfort that came my way following the death of my daughter would have been enough to send me there.   

So why don’t I just walk away?  I have wondered that myself.  I have a certain respect for people who are confident enough to declare themselves an atheist.  I think I would save myself significant mental and emotional gymnastics by doing the same.  However, I am, without a doubt, a believer.  I just do not believe in the “God” that many Christians and other religious people keep making smaller and smaller. 

There is a longing to connect deeper and in different ways than I have in the past.  I am not 'a repetitive ritual' person.  I am not a ‘kneel by the bed and pray’ person.  I am not even a ‘I’m in deep trouble. Help’ person.  At this point I have a difficult time sitting through a worship service or at least not the recounting of facebook stories that some call a sermon.  And still there is strong consistent feeling within that a spiritual connection with the divine, and sacred is out there waiting for me to grow to a whole new level.   

No wonder the ideating of this blog keeps popping up while I am working, as I am going to sleep, making my way about the city in my Jeep, and as I crunch through the leaves on the sidewalk.  I am hoping that writing and sharing in this spot will help me understand this spiritual longing.  At this point, the one spiritual connection I can depend on is in the act of creating.  I do not understand it at all!  But I know it deep in my soul.  I will be exploring that experience also.